Confidence is a concept most of us fear, but also would love to understand more. What is confidence, in the end ? What does being confident mean ? Is it loving the way you look today ? Or wearing no makeup ? Or being able to talk in front of a huge crowd ? Is being confident the same as being arrogant, or not at all ? And how can we grow self-confidence when we never knew how ? —
I believe whether you already experienced self-confidence or not, no matter how old you are and where you are in your life right now, there is hope in this world to eventually find peace in yourself, and balance your life to the point you feel confident (again). I know it may feel overwhelming not to feel confident to do anything, but if you look closer, you will realize you actually already did a lot that required self confidence, without even noticing.
You Are The Judge
10 years from now, I was not confident at all. Now fast forwards to ten years later, I feel a lot more confident than I used to, even if I would like to gain even more confidence in different situations all along my life. Some people would think I am not confident enough, but this is simply because they don’t know where I come from. They don’t know my path until my actual confidence now. This is why no one’s opinion about your self-esteem should define who you think you are, or who you actually are.
You are the only judge of your worth. Use it carefully. No one knows best for you, than you. You don’t need to be too hard on yourself. (What’s the point ?)
If you feel more confident than you were before, than you have all the rights to let people know. Because no one should tell you to try more (I discuss it here aswell), without even knowing where you are on the scale of your own Life. You are doing your best, and your best is always enough. Never compare your bad times to someone’s success.
You Can’t Control Everything, And That’s Okay
Things are always changing around us, and we cannot control everything that is happening. Sometimes the World is spinning a little bit too fast for us, and we need to remember to focus on our own feet touching the ground. This is already enough.
Depending on the situation you are in, you may feel more or less confident, but it does not define your self-confidence in general, nor does it define your worth. You could be totally fine with taking care of children, or manage a team, but completely loose it when having to sing in front of your friends. Does it mean you are not confident enough ? No.
I think there is no ”confident enough” actually. Anyone goes at their own pace. If there is something you cannot achieve because you feel “not confident enough”, it is just because this is not your time to do it yet. Again, this is you, going at your own pace. You will get there someday eventually, when you feel like the timing is right.
Of course there is this saying “Never wait until you are ready, otherwise you will wait for your whole Life.” Which is not completely wrong nor true. I think we need to feel it. We know when something is wrong for us just yet. I believe in my personal intuition, and I think it is a great thing to listen to it. It is important to know the difference between not doing something because we are scared; and not doing it because we need to work a little bit on ourselves before.
What About Fear ?
Sometimes, we mix self-consciousness with fear. Think about this : Fear is just on the other side of your comfort zone. On the other hand, you need to feel safe and in your comfort zone to feel confident. So now, think again : if there is something you cannot achieve because you feel not confident enough, try to go baby steps by baby steps to the other side of your comfort zone, to tame the fear itself. Once done, you can now start growing confidence. Makes sense ?
Learning not to be scared to do/achieve something is a challenge. This is why it depends on the situation you are in, because it might be easier for something (and someone) than for anything (and anyone) else. And after all, we are all different and have different fears and reasons why we can’t face a situation with a clear mind sometimes. It could be really scary for you to jump off of a plane, when it could be someone else’s favorite hobby. It has nothing to do, in my opinion, with confidence.
So, you ask me. How do we learn not to be scared and then be confident ? Well, there is no right or wrong answer, nor is there a path or lesson. You gain confidence over time with experience, with situations, and most importantly with self-love. If you take care of yourself (and you deserve to), confidence will naturally flow and emanate from yourself.
It Takes Time and Failure
I also believe people tend to forget it takes time, patience and efforts to gain confidence, but it is also easy to lose it again. What I mean is, don’t expect to always feel confident, in which case you would be too hard on yourself if, at some point of your life, you feel less confident than before.
It doesn’t mean you completely lost it and will never find it again, it means it is a constant work. Be gentle to yourself. You are human, and humans are not meant to be confident everyday all day long for any and every situation. And it has nothing to do with who you are and your worth. Not feeling confident is not being ”not enough” or not worth it. Again, not feeling confident should be a personal state of mind, not a general opinion on someone.
If you ever fail at something, you might think you are not worth it, which is not true. Because odds are, you will learn something along the way, and it will eventually lead you where you are meant to be. It will also bring you more confidence, because with each failure you will realize that better opportunities will come and you will be ready to take them. You are so much more than what you think.
Just Keep Believing
The Universe is never ending, and so are the possibilities for you. Everything is possible, if you only believe it is. It might sound cliché, but I believe you can achieve anything you want to. The plan is to go little by little, and eventually your small achievements will make you realize you are more confident than you think you are. And it will then make the whole difference for you to do even more.
Pay attention to the few times you felt confident. Small or not, important to people or not, consider it as important and key to your development. You did a lot so far, and you took it for granted maybe, but again, take a second in your Life to reflect on your past experiences that you think required confidence, and think about it : you did it !
Once you feel that way, no one can take it against yourself. Being confident doesn’t mean you are arrogant or a narcissist. There is a line between those two, and it is great to know the limit. You will learn it along your whole journey, but nothing should stop you from wanting to reach your goals. —
[ I have been inspired by a few people around me lately for this blog post. I hope it will help anyone who doesn’t feel as confident as they wish. I myself would like to feel more confident, but am happy about where I am right now ! ]
What about you ? Do you feel confident ? What would be your top tips to feel more confident ?
Thank you for reading me, and see you later ! Estelle.